TERRE HAUTE —
Hello, may I speak to any adult member of the household who is 18 years of age or older? Are you 18 or older?
Good. Would you have a few minutes today to answer some questions about your views on the upcoming election? This is just a fact-finding survey and it will take only about five minutes to complete.
OK? On a scale of one to four — with one being “highly unlikely,” two being “somewhat unlikely,” three being “somewhat likely” and four being “highly likely” — how likely is it that you will be voting in the Nov. 2nd election?
Will you be voting early by mail, drop-off absentee ballot or on Election Day at your polling place?
In the race for your district’s state representative, how likely would you be to vote for a candidate who has been in office too long — I mean, has been in office for a long time?
How likely would you be to vote for a candidate who, despite being in office for a long time, hasn’t sponsored what many people would classify as one piece of major legislation?
How likely would you be to vote for a candidate who cannot prove he hasn’t broken into homes and stolen jewelry?
In that same race, how likely would you be to vote for a candidate who, some people say, probably hasn’t paid his full property taxes in at least five years?
Also in that race, how likely would you be to vote for a candidate who has been rumored in several circles to look at teenage girls in a funny way?
If you knew that William Williams, the incumbent candidate for state representative, hadn’t sponsored what many people would classify as one piece of major legislation, may have broken into homes and stolen jewelry, probably hasn’t paid his full property taxes in at least five years and is rumored in several circles to look at teenage girls in a funny way, how likely would you be to vote for William Williams?
On a scale of one to four — with one being “not at all important,” two being “sort of important,” three being “fairly important” and four being “extremely important,” how important to you are the following qualities in a state representative?
The ability to sing on key?
Rakes and bags the leaves in his yard?
Prefers AKC dachshunds to shepherds?
Usually drinks diet soda?
Has a vertical jump of about four inches?
Subscribes to Taxidermy Today?
No class-A felony convictions?
Saves disposable contact lenses?
Turning to the state Senate race, on the previous scale of one to four, how likely would you be to vote for a candidate who moved to your district only a couple of years ago?
How likely would you be to vote for a candidate whose only elected position, ever, was secretary of her high school student council?
How likely would you be to vote for a candidate who might have worked her way through college as a pole dancer?
How likely would you be to vote for a state Senate candidate whose three children look nothing like her?
How likely would you be to vote for a candidate whose one-time curbside recycling truck driver reportedly was overheard saying she seemed to put out more than her share of empty wine bottles?
If you knew that state Senate challenger Ramona Ramone moved to your district only a couple of years ago, has never been elected to anything more than student council secretary, might have worked her way through college as a pole dancer, has three children who look nothing like her and that her one-time curbside recycling truck driver reportedly was overheard saying she seemed to put out more than her share of empty wine bottles, how likely would you be to vote for Ramona Ramone?
On a scale of one to four — with one being “not at all important,” two being “sort of important,” three being “fairly important” and four being “extremely important,” how important to you are the following qualities in a state senator?
Can read up to fifth-grade level?
Collects antique toothpick holders?
Rarely exceeds 25 mph in the city and 60 mph on highways, including the interstate?
Distrusts U.S. citizens with passports?
Never goes barefooted?
Prefers artificial plants to real ones?
No class A felony convictions?
Harbors a fear of root vegetables?
Finally, a few questions about the issues that concern you most. Again, the scale is one to four, with one being “could not care less,” two being “a little bit concerned,” three being “fairly concerned” and four being “keeps me awake at night.”
How concerned are you about the economy?
About health care?
About national security?
About immigration?
About protecting the Second Amendment?
About prayer in public schools?
About same-sex marriage?
About how Paula Abdul is doing these days?
About antibiotic-resistant, flesh-eating bacteria?
About the supply of quality antique toothpick holders?
About candidates for public office who may have class C or class B felony convictions, but no As?
About root vegetables?
That is the end of the survey, unless you have any other comments you’d care to make in Twitter-length or less. Thank you so much for your time, and have a very nice day.
Stephanie Salter can be reached at (812) 231-4229 or stephanie.salter@tribstar.com.
Stephanie Salter
STEPHANIE SALTER: An impartial political poll
- Stephanie Salter
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STEPHANIE SALTER: The more things change, the more they … change
What the late, great Pittsburgh Pirates slugger knew, so knew the ancient philosopher, Heraclitus, the Buddha and Andy Warhol.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Making room for the least among us — and their kin
Christmas. Quiet time. Down time. Not exactly the kind of day most folks tend to contemplate their fellow Americans behind bars. And yet, the United States leads the world in percentage of population in jail or prison, far ahead of second-place Russia. About 2.3 million people — nearly one in 100 adults — are incarcerated in this country.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Carols for the worn, weary and wigged out
For those who are agog and aglow with “the season” — you who start bouncing and humming in Toys R Us at the intro guitar notes of “Jingle Bell Rock” — better search elsewhere for a soul mate.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Times change. Things disappear. Toilet paper here to stay
You may have seen an email going around with “Nine Things That Will Disappear in Our Lifetime.”
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STEPHANIE SALTER: What I learned on election day
When I identified myself as a volunteer for the non-incumbent mayoral candidate, the woman on the other end of the line cut me off. “Save your breath, dear,” she said.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Of politics, protests, coupons and e-wishes
It’s roundup time again, that periodic hunting down and herding together of items that have but one thing in common: They grabbed me.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: ‘Understandable’ not the same as ‘wise’
Because I’m not running for office and don’t plan to, I figure I am free to publicly question the designation of some 30 stretches of city streets as “memorial ways” for police and firefighters killed on the job.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Where have all the protest songs gone?
A telling moment came during the annual Eugene V. Debs award banquet late last month, when the career protest singer and songwriter, Anne Feeney, implored a huge Hulman Center audience to join her for the refrain of “We Shall Not Be Moved.”
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STEPHANIE SALTER: It’s business as usual, but what does it cost to stay angry?
As painful and profoundly sad as the 10th anniversary of 9/11 has been, I found the actual day a balm.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: The unfortunate bottom line … St. Ann’s will close
Ever since word came down that St. Ann Church and Parish have less than a year to live, there’s been much invoking of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: The Economy: One complex, thorny, bedeviling issue
No matter how much time and energy I spend trying to understand the Hydra we blithely call “The Economy,” I often worry that its mystery will forever elude me.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Thinking, now and then, about now and then
I am lying, poolside, in a plastic chaise lounge, listening to pop music and watching water droplets dry on my skin.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Thousands of things she would have missed
For several years, until she received an official information packet in the mail, my mother planned to donate her body to medical research.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Marriage? There’s an app for that ... but it’s tricky
As I watched all the happy people celebrating passage of New York’s same-sex marriage law, I couldn’t help but project to a time when Indiana adopts a similar statute.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Back in the saddle — with the usual burr under it
I really didn’t expect to be gone nearly six months, but then, that’s par for the course these days: What I expect to happen and what actually occurs are often about 180 degrees apart.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: On the other hand … we’ll have a lot fewer leaves to rake
Editor’s Note: Former Tribune-Star Assistant Editor Stephanie Salter’s column resumes today in freelance form and will appear on this page every other Sunday.
TERRE HAUTE — My neighbor, Andy, had just lowered the bamboo blinds on his front porch when we heard a mournful sound. -
Memorable victories
This was about as much fun as a doubleheader split could get for Rose-Hulman’s baseball team.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Another batch of my status-quo-defending misinformation on schools
The day after state schools chief Tony Bennett responded to my three-column education series, a longtime friend and veteran teacher called.
“I just read the superintendent’s rebuttal in the Tribune-Star,” my friend said. “All I can conclude from it is that you are a dumbass. Welcome to the club. Anybody who doesn’t buy into his vision of education reform is considered a dumbass.” -
Stephanie Salter: One person’s roundup of significant folks lost in 2010
Every late December, as I comb through lists of notable deaths, I swear I will never repeat the process. It takes days of Internet research, mostly because I get distracted by looking up people about whom I know nothing.
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Stephanie Salter: I've got some really good news for some of you guys
Of all the sentences I’ve imagined writing in my long, moss-covered newspaper career, this is not one of them: I am quitting my job to get married.
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Stephanie Salter: A little history of mandated intermingling among U.S. troops
Back in July 1948, when President Harry Truman signed Executive Order 9981, predictions for its effect on the U.S. military were dire. Sen. Richard Brevard Russell Jr. of Georgia echoed the sentiments of millions of Americans in an address from the Senate floor.
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Stephanie Salter: Another wronged woman becomes the nation’s paper doll
A few hours after the death of Elizabeth Edwards last week, the creepy, contemporary American ritual of vicarious grieving began in cyberspace.
“You are with your son now. Rest in peace.” -
Stephanie Salter: You’ve heard from me — now, listen to the teachers
As e-mail from Indiana teachers and principals continues to pour into my box, the portrait of this beleaguered group grows more poignant each day.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: Have you heard Indiana’s schools are failing? It’s a lie
In Gov. Mitch Daniels’ recent state budget PowerPoint, he put up a comparison chart: The percentage of Indiana public school students who’ve attained an advanced level of math achievement versus “the world.” Hoosiers lag behind the national average, trailing such states as Massachusetts, Oregon and New York, and such nations as Poland and Latvia.
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Stephanie Salter: Bashing teachers in the name of education reform
As I read the Tribune-Star’s recent Page 1 news packages about the governor’s push for education reform, I kept seeing faces.
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Stephanie Salter: After the turkey and before the pie, a round of giving thanks
As my colleague Alicia Morgan wrote last week, there is no downside to taking time out now and then to list and truly appreciate our blessings.
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STEPHANIE SALTER: A story of just one corporate lobby ‘investing in advocacy’
For those of you who know in your marrow that the president’s attempt to overhaul the U.S. health care system proves his socialist agenda, take the day off. What reporter Drew Armstrong of Bloomberg News shared this past week will be of no interest to you.
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Stephanie Salter: Inside today’s grab bag …: Stamps, bands and GOP $$$
It’s time for another roundup of items, little ideas that can’t grow big enough for a whole column, but just won’t go away from my field of focus.
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Stephanie Salter: Can’t make a decision? Consult strangers on the ’Net
A day after I heard screenwriter and director Nora Ephron talking on NPR about that moment in the aging process when you realize you are no longer cut out to be au courant, that moment arrived for me.
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Stephanie Salter: The years may pass, but a friend will always ride shotgun
I should have known there would be a first-aid kit. Susan provided for every contingency.
How like her to have tucked a 106-piece, American Medical Association-approved kit under the passenger seat of her Honda Accord. How like me not to have discovered it until I was deep cleaning the car to get it ready to sell. - More Stephanie Salter Headlines
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STEPHANIE SALTER: The more things change, the more they … change
Tiger on Sergio: 'It's Time to Move On'
Robot Action Connected to Human Thought
Rain Damages Brazil Soccer Stadium
NYC 911 Call Lasts for 8 Hours
Obama: US Has Helped Syrian Rebels
California Cops Cruise on Stand-up Paddle Patrol
Falling Cable Hurts 10 NASCAR Fans
RAW: NSA Director Says 50 Plots Foiled
Raw: 100K Protesters Flood Brazilian Streets
Afghan Forces Take Afghanistan Security Lead
Obama: NSA Secret Data Gathering 'Transparent'
Raw: First Lady, Daughters Enjoy Irish Sights
Transgender Candidate Running in NYC
Man Who Disrupted Flight Ranted About CIA
Ex-NFL Star Chad Johnson Out of Jail
Feds: 7-Eleven Stores Exploited Immigrants
Today in History June 18
Oklahoma City Thunder Players Tour Moore
Iran's Rowhani Urges 'Path of Moderation'
Raw: NASCAR Driver Jason Leffler Dies in Wreck
Inside Kim Kardashian's Premature Labor
Raw: Huge Fire Near Yosemite National Park
Paige Butcher Scorches on Hawaii Beach
Video: worst way to load cargo onto a plane
Never-before-seen footage of '08 Times Square bomber
WATCH IT: Lil Wayne tramples American flag
Mariah Carey Looks Beautiful in a Tiny Cut-Out Swimsuit
Out of Control Boat Throws Passengers Overboard
See Lindsay Lohan in Rehab
Sofia Vergara Posts Perky Backside Pic in Thong
Gaga Ditches Her Crazy Couture
Caught on Tape: Teacher Accused of Beating Autistic Child
"Stay Classy" Campaign Aims to Curb Binge Drinking
Sesame Street Tackling Tough Topic Parents in Jail
Miss Utah Fumbles Interview Question
Deranged man claims Newark-bound flight was poisoned
Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton Show Off Their Amazing Bikini Bodies
NBA FINALS: Spurs Win Game 5, Lead Series
