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September 19, 2009

STEPHANIE SALTER: Give me that piece of your mind with a smile and a shoeshine

By Stephanie Salter

TERRE HAUTE — Because so many of you apparently are being urged to do so by your favorite radio, TV and Internet gurus, I’d like to offer a few pointers on how to get what you want from your local, knee-jerk liberal, socialism-mongering newspaper.

Why you still bother to contact such entities, I do not know. After all, as many of you repeatedly remind us in your telephone calls, voice mails, e-mails and occasional USPS-handled letters, the mainstream news media are:

“A joke.”

“Hopeless.”

“Arrogant and out of touch.”

“Blind.”

“Not taken seriously by anyone anymore.”

“Liars.”

“Doomed.”

“Dead.”

And, lest we forget, “the lap dogs” of “the left-wing,” especially “billionaire socialist George Soros.”

An aside: Can I tell you how long I have been waiting for George Soros or one of his minions to call? Regularly, for at least 20 years, I have dreamed of the phone ringing in the middle of the night: “Stephanie? George Soros is pleased. He is sending you a cashier’s check for $5 million. Is that enough?”

Nevertheless, mystery or not, some of you do continue to call, write and message us, trying to get us to straighten up, see the light, stop lying (and being lap dogs), come to our senses and join you in the realm of reason and truth.

In other words, your goal is to persuade or convince us that our news coverage and/or opinion pages are wrong and your vision of what should be on those pages is correct.

So, what is one of the first rules of persuasion?

Whether you are peddling Girl Scout cookies, a new car, a date for coffee or your view of the geopolitical universe, you have to get a prospective “buyer” to give you his/her attention so you can make your “pitch.” And you want the buyer’s attention for your whole pitch.

Tip No. 1: Starting a telephone conversation by barking, “Who is this? Is this the editor?!” is not the most effective opening gambit for such a goal. Nor is then answering the question, “Who is it you’re trying to reach, ma’am/sir?” with, “Whoever is responsible for that pathetic excuse for so-called journalism that’s on your front/editorial/sports page today!”

True, such a statement is an attention-getter. But so is rear-ending someone in a pharmacy drive-through. After impact, the other person tends to go on the defensive.

I experienced a variation of this modus operandi not long ago. The phone tweeted, I answered, and a woman screeched into my ear, “Who is this? A real person?”

After I confirmed that I am real (or at least I was until a couple of months ago), she switched from a screech to a snarl.

“I just wanted to tell you that I am canceling my subscription TODAY, and so is everyone else I know,” she said.

When I asked why, the woman responded with her own “pathetic excuse for so-called journalism” assessment. When I told her I had not yet read the story that had made her angry, the snarl turned into a kind of power-washer acid gush. The woman laughed, but without mirth.

“That’s your job,” she said, for the first of perhaps five times to come. “Doesn’t anybody around there do their job?”

Later, I learned that some of my colleagues had been treated to the same out-of-the-chute high dudgeon. No one had managed to find the words to mitigate the caller’s rage. Pointing out that she was dead-wrong on at least a couple of her scripted accusations — I will explain “scripted” in a moment — elicited only a short silence, then a new angle of attack.

I share that anecdote to illustrate Tip No. 2:

Do not assume the “buyer” knows from the get-go exactly what you are “selling,” and try to refrain from biting the buyer’s head off when she/he communicates temporary ignorance. You will have plenty of time to convey how stupid you think the person is before you run out of steam or she/he finally says, “I’m sorry, I have to go to a meeting.”

Tip No. 3: In the same vein, try to imagine that the buyer-person you are attempting to persuade is not — repeat, not — sitting in suspended animation doing nothing until, and after, your call or e-mail arrives. While such a scenario may be difficult to believe, occasionally it does occur.

As for those handy scripts your gurus often provide to help you “let your local media know how you feel,” you might consider Tip No. 4:

Change a few words here and there or invert a couple of paragraphs, just to let us know you haven’t simply copied and pasted the suggested message from “To whom it may concern” to “Sincerely.”

This would be particularly advantageous if you are reading the script over the phone to a “real” person who may quickly recognize she/he has heard the exact same admonishment three or four times already that day.

The last piece of advice I offer is about attitude.

Tip No. 5: Despite what your gurus tell you, you are not entitled to dump a big load of disrespect on a human being you have never met just because you have paid for a subscription, dropped coins in a vending box or been told by your e-mail and phone tree pals that a grave transgression has been committed.

Complain? Speak up? Register unhappiness? Absolutely. That can be done without unleashing a vile harangue. Remember, it is you who wants to persuade/convince the transgressors to go forth and sin no more. You are the party peddling. And, as your grandmother always said, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Of course, if your goal is not persuasion but insult, that is another story. In that case, I’m sorry, I have to go to a meeting … with George Soros.



Stephanie Salter can be reached at (812) 231-4229 or stephanie.salter@tribstar.com.

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