TERRE HAUTE — Thank goodness Americans pinched their buttocks correctly.
Otherwise, Terre Haute could’ve been forever immortalized in a movie called “Manure for the Millions.”
If you understand those two sentences, Gary Wood and his cohorts want to talk with you. (Counselors may, also.) The Indianapolis independent filmmaker is exploring the bizarre, long-lost connection between comedian Steve Martin and Terre Haute. Soon, Wood intends to begin filming a documentary called “One Wild and Crazy City” right here.
Many of you are probably still hung up on those first two sentences, so let’s clarify it all.
On Nov. 18, 1978, Martin rode a wave of rock-star popularity into Terre Haute for a comedy concert in Hulman Center. A throng of 7,348 fans laughed along with his wacky arrow-through-the-head, banjo-playing routine. Steve, though, apparently didn’t enjoy his stay. A few months later, when a Playboy magazine interviewer asked Martin to pick the most nowhere city in America, he answered, “Terre Haute, Indiana.”
Why? How could he say such a thing?
Well, Steve had a long list of gripes. When he ventured out of his hotel room, he found no shops or restaurants open downtown. When he returned to the hotel, he tried to watch TV, but the horizontal hold was on the fritz. Even after it cleared up, Martin couldn’t get used to seeing fertilizer commercials. “They say you can always tell that you’re somewhere when they have manure ads on TV,” he told Playboy.
Terre Haute responded by inviting Martin to return for a full-fledged tour of the city. He accepted, and on Dec. 7, 1979, it happened. Then-Mayor Bill Brighton led Martin — joined by a Playboy entourage — from a meal at the Shuffle Inn diner to a tour of CF Industries (a fertilizer plant), a ride in a jalopy through a car wash, a visit to a tractor supply shop (where he received a toy fertilizer spreader and a birdhouse), and an appearance at City Hall before 2,000 Hauteans (waving signs like “Welcome, Billy Martin” and “Stan, We’re Your Biggest Fans”).
Martin recanted his “Nowhere” jab and vowed to premier his movie “The Jerk” in Terre Haute, which it did a few days later.
Terre Haute remained a running joke for him, though. In his 1982 movie “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” the only town destroyed by an evil villain’s toxic cheese mold was, alas, Terre Haute. Martin, trying to foil the plot as a crime-fighting private eye, feigned his dismay, saying, “Damn, they were just about to get a public library.”
One of the previews to “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” featured Martin asking theatergoers to choose whether he should release that film or another titled “Manure for the Millions: The Story of Terre Haute, Indiana.” He asked fans to vote by pinching one side of their buttocks or the other.
Wood, a 44-year-old who grew up in Cloverdale, remembers seeing that trailer in the Indiana Theatre. Wood was a student, briefly, at Indiana State University at the time.
More than a quarter-century later, Wood wants to relive the tongue-in-cheek feud between Martin and Terre Haute in a documentary.
“It’s going to be pro-Terre Haute, but it’s going to be quirky,” he explained.
Wood intends to interview people involved in that saga, or saw it unfold. He also wants to shoot footage of Terre Haute this winter to give it the look of November 1978 and December 1979. Once that’s done, Wood hopes to interview Martin himself and promises to make it as painless as possible for the star of major movies such as “Father of the Bride,” “Cheaper by the Dozen” and “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”
“Hopefully, this will be something Steve Martin says, ‘Yeah, it sounds like fun. I’ll do it,’” Wood said.
“It’ll be lighthearted,” he added, “and we’re not doing a hatchet job on Terre Haute or on Steve Martin.”
It should appeal to film lovers everywhere, Wood speculated, because “unless you’re from Terre Haute or that area, it’s a story that’s never been told.”
That’s Wood’s niche. “One Wild and Crazy City” is one of three documentaries he’s pursuing now. Thus, his company is called 3Docs Productions. The others include “My Kid Brother’s Band” and “Sissies.” The former centers on a visit by guitarist George Harrison to his sister’s home in Benton, Ill., in 1963, a year before he and The Beatles “invaded” the United States. Despite other legends, a tiny Benton radio station was actually the first to play a Beatles record in ’63, after considerable begging by George and his sis, Louise. “Sissies” depicts two sisters living totally different lifestyles.
Wood thinks all three — particularly “One Wild and Crazy City” and “My Kid Brother’s Band” — could earn a spot in renowned film festivals.
“Our plan is for these to be very Sundance-friendly, very Toronto-friendly and maybe even Cannes-friendly,” he said. “I really think with these concepts, as long as the quality’s there, we’re not going to have any trouble.”
Wood first dabbled in screenwriting during a six-year stint in the Navy. Long days aboard the U.S.S. Nassau gave him time to hone his writing. Once out of the Navy, he kept on writing, whenever possible, while working in a variety of businesses. In 2001, he wrote a script for “Saving Star Wars,” which became a cult movie hit about two “Star Wars” fans who accidentally kidnap George Lucas. Later, Wood penned another film “Open Mic’Rs.”
That resume, modest as it is, could help Wood’s new project. “We’ve got a track record now,” he said.
With those credentials, Wood would like to hear from people who experienced Martin’s visits in 1978 and ’79. Relax, this film is “One Wild and Crazy City,” not “Manure for the Millions.” No buttocks pinching is necessary.
Mark Bennett can be reached at mark.bennett@tribstar.com or (812) 231-4377.
Mark Bennett B-Sides
Related Photos
Discussion
MARK BENNETT: Filmmaker exploring long-lost connection between Steve Martin, Terre Haute
- Mark Bennett B-Sides
-
-
MARK BENNETT: 500 history runs in her veins, but she’ll pass on the buttermilk
Katy Balch appreciates tradition. The 20-year-old from Terre Haute understands how neatly her role as one of 33 Indianapolis 500 princesses fits her family.
-
B-SIDES: Bloomington brain exhibit gives us something to think about
Most of us never think about our brain.
-
MARK BENNETT: Read me to sleep, mom
She read. They listened, staring at the pages.
-
MARK BENNETT: A lesson to be learned from Lugar’s loss
It can happen to one of the nation’s most revered, principled, effective, hard-working U.S. senators.
And, if it hasn’t already, it can happen to you. -
MARK BENNETT: Despite challenges, 2012 grads have youth, tenacity on their side
Let the doomsday crowd line up like a scene from “Animal House.”
-
MARK BENNETT: Political life imitates art
A movie plot typically touches the extremes of life.
-
MARK BENNETT: When it came to artwork, ‘Salty’ always kept it real
The depth of my visual art expertise mirrors that of Neil Young.
-
MARK BENNETT: Ongoing challenge: To keep Mother Nature from getting trashed
Soggy, mud-caked jeans and a formerly white T-shirt were my youngest son’s summertime uniform, as a kid.
-
Playing a legend: Broadway actor practiced hundreds of shots, visited Terre Haute to play Sycamore legend in 'Magic/Bird'
Until now, the words “Larry Bird” and “Broadway production” simply would not appear in the same sentence.
-
MARK BENNETT: How much of your spring break will be spent in the digital world?
It seems harsh to give folks a math assignment on the brink of spring break, but wisdom should never take a holiday, so here goes.
-
MARK BENNETT: Litter trashes scenery on first day of spring
A mop is an ironic piece of litter.
Someone once used it to keep floors spotless. When its utility ended, this cleaning device became trash on the edge of a road. -
MARK BENNETT: Food for thought
The finest hours in grocery shopping arrive after 10 p.m.
-
Need a tourney tip? Try the team that puts people to work
People filling out NCAA brackets and the Republican presidential candidates share the same problem.
-
MARK BENNETT: Manning leaves great memories for Colts fans
The emotion behind the words was obvious.
-
MARK BENNETT: Terre Haute native saw tornado bearing down on his school
Disaster drills often leave participants grumbling or wisecracking. Until, heaven forbid, they see what Tom Cullen saw Friday afternoon.
-
MARK BENNETT: Year of the River a common interest for diverse entities
Water can compel people to get better acquainted.
-
MARK BENNETT: Our greatest president had some help from an obscure relative
On this Presidents Day week, historians weigh the impact of Washington, Jefferson and the Roosevelts on Americans’ lives.
-
MARK BENNETT: Proposed trail would give river development momentum, reacquaint community with Wabash
Terre Haute and the Wabash River were like strangers living next door to each other.
-
MARK BENNETT: Super Bowl luck? His is mostly bad
I’ve learned to take a Seinfeld approach to Super Bowls.
In a flash of clairvoyance, Jerry excitedly reminded buddy George Costanza that “if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.” -
MARK BENNETT: Not-so-casual observers
In the minds of many adults, the most upstanding generation of young people was, ironically, their own.
-
MARK BENNETT: On the banks of the Wabash, a sculpture
Paul Dresser remembered his hometown at its best. Terre Haute should remember him the same way.
-
MARK BENNETT: A reminder for electorate: You get what you vote for
In the rear-view mirror of our lives, some days loom larger than we expected.
For many Hoosiers, the date Nov. 2, 2010, probably fits that category. -
MARK BENNETT: Keys to the future
Steve Witt fielded a jarring phone call in October 2007.
-
MARK BENNETT: Hall-of-Famer Larkin delivered more than clutch hits
A logjam of kids swelled behind the first-base dugout in Riverfront Stadium.
-
MARK BENNETT: Polian, Colts and Terre Haute were good for one another
Sentimentality seems alien in a discussion of Bill Polian.
That emotion rarely influenced his decisions in 14 seasons as the day-to-day boss of the Indianapolis Colts. He surely felt it, but seldom submitted to it. The NFL is a business, after all, with winning as its bottom line. Polian knew how to make that happen, and did. Anyone or anything threatening to divert the Colts from title contention could not linger. When it came to that mission, Polian functioned with all of the sentimentality of Joe Friday. -
MARK BENNETT: In this day and age, pure quiet is hard to find
It’s hard to emulate JFK — this JFK, at least.
-
MARK BENNETT: Rose professor’s bit part in classic holiday movie leaves a major memory
Most of us see a bit of ourselves in “A Christmas Story.” Mike Kukral does so, literally. The 1983 movie grew into a holiday classic because so many of its poignant, awkward and hilarious moments seem to have been pulled straight from our childhood memories.
-
MARK BENNETT: Ferrell’s love of Old Milwaukee shines light on Old Terre Haute
Will Ferrell didn’t walk through traffic at Seventh and Wabash for nothing.
Well, actually it might have been for nothing. Apparently, the comedian just likes Old Milwaukee so much that he came to Terre Haute, unannounced, one morning last September to film wacky commercials for the beer. -
MARK BENNETT: Holiday season makes going to the mailbox fun again
Ants decided to set up a colony in our family’s mailbox last summer.
-
MARK BENNETT: First impressions: City benefits from hearing visitors’ views of community
The town should blush.
- More Mark Bennett B-Sides Headlines
-
MARK BENNETT: 500 history runs in her veins, but she’ll pass on the buttermilk
Man Falls Off Crane, Dies After Police Standoff
Obama Honors Fallen Troops at Arlington Cemetery
Man in Crane at Texas College Says He's Armed
Raw Video: Cop Shoots Man Eating Another's Face
Raw Video: Deadly Explosion at Minn. Paper Mill
Unexpected Smog in Pristine National Parks
Dairy Farm Uses Chiropractor to Help Cows
Air Canada Plane Makes Emergency Landing
Romney Promises World's Strongest Military
Russia Condemns Ally Syria Over Massacre of 108
Obama Pays Tribute to Vietnam Veterans
Raw Video: Earthquake Shakes Evacuees in Italy
Raw Video: 19 Dead in Qatar Shopping Mall Fire
Beryl Knocks Out Power in Florida
Service Dogs Help Wash. Soldiers Battling PTSD
Raw Video: Memorial Day Aboard Intrepid
Beryl Makes Landfall on Florida Coast
New Ticks Spread Across Southeast, Diseases Rise
Mother of Allegedly Abused Girl Denies Claims
Japan Farmers Plant, Seek Radiation-free Rice
iPhone 5 Rumors Get Pictures, New Details
Beyonce Shows Off 60 Pound Weight Loss at Concert
Drunk Women Breaking Into Houses: A New Trend?
LeAnn Rimes Rocks Short Shorts
Gordon Ramsay Carried Off Field
Man Dies Getting Lap Dance
Bear cools off in Calif. family's pool
Kim Kardashian Claims Items Stolen from Her Luggage
Ep. 3: Chopped Desserts
Air Force dad surprises family at baseball game
Justin Bieber Wanted for Questioning for L.A. Scuffle
J.Lo and Marc's Friendly Reunion
Jet makes emergency landing after debris falls off
Cynthia Nixon Ties the Knot
Woman, 80, Falls Out of Skydive Harness Mid-Jump
Keira Reveals Engagement Ring
Dog runs alonside cyclists for 1,100 miles
