Terre Haute — Many Vigo County grandparents are facing second-parenthoods, which is not exactly something they had planned.
Just when many grandmas and grandpas believed they could take a little personal time, they are finding themselves back in the parenting role — often with very young children.
“We didn’t want to do this,” said Niki Clark, a grandmother to four boys she and her husband have been raising for more than 10 years. “We love [our grandchildren], but that’s a lot to take on.”
Diana Toney said she’s raising her three grandchildren “because it’s the right thing to do. I enjoy my [grandchildren], but the challenge you face everyday … It just drains you.”
That overwhelming feeling is shared by Beth Strader, who recently started caring for her daughter’s 2-year-old, Molly.
More than 1,600 grandparents in Vigo County are raising their grandchildren, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. Statewide, the figure is over 45,000.
About one-in-20 Hoosier kids are being raised by a grandparent. That ratio is slightly higher in Illinois.
“We know that the number is going up,” said Opal Bufford, founder of Grandparents As Parents Limited, a South Bend based not-for-profit organization dedicated to helping grandparents and other people raising children who are not their own.
She said the number of children being raised by grandparents nationwide has increased by 200,000 in the past five years.
III
It’s not completely clear why so many grandparents are becoming repeat parents, but in individual cases drugs, alcohol, and a rise in single-parenthood are often sited as contributing factors.
“A couple of years ago when we had such a meth[amphetamine] problem we ended up with a lot more children [needing state services],” said Suzy Cole, a supervisor with the Vigo County Department of Child Services. “Quite often, grandma and grandpa [would] just step up and say, ‘we’re really concerned about these children.’”
Bufford agreed that drugs and alcohol often are contributing factors in parents raising their children’s children.
Even when grandparents are not raising grandchildren full-time they are often doing more in their day-to-day lives.
“I see grandparents who are helping single parents,” said Mary Beth Harris, principal of Fuqua Elementary school in Terre Haute and a 20-year Vigo County education veteran. “I think with the increase in single parent families… or both parents working, we probably see more grandparent involvement in different activities than we saw earlier. Grandparents have filled in some of the vacuums that were left.”
III
Frustration is often a part of the picture. Many times, grandparents take on raising grandchildren just when they had hoped to have some time for themselves. Others are surprised how lightly their own children view the parenting role. And others say they miss out on playing the traditional grandparent role as the doting grandparent.
“You think you might travel a little, save a little money, have a little bit of a life,” Clark reflected, “then suddenly you have four [kids] instead of two.”
And the age of the children adds to the challenge. Often the children moving in with grandparents are toddlers or of preschool age.
“I was startled,” Strader said, the day her daughter left 2-year-old Molly in her care. “Just the fact that it was so easy [was surprising].”
“They just don’t take families as seriously as older people do,” said Bufford of Grandparents As Parents Limited.
Another frustration parenting-grandparents express is missing out on some of the traditional benefits associated with being a grandparent, such as “spoiling” their children’s kids or acting as an adviser without also being a disciplinarian.
“I did miss that,” Clark said.
III
Despite the frustrations, all the grandparents interviewed said they valued their grandchildren’s safety and well-being over all else. Keeping the children away from dangerous situations – such as abuse or neglect — helped motivate many of them to step in.
“With the meth situation… a lot of parents walked away from children because in order to keep their children they had to stop using meth,” said Cole, of the Department of Child Services.
Most of the time, it’s a “big relief,” she said, when grandparents agree to take the kids, because the children remain with people they know. However, she added, grandparents are not always appropriate to take the children because of past felony convictions or because the natural parents may still be in a position to “wreak havok” in the grandparent’s home.
When grandparents do provide the proper care, they are often saving taxpayers money. While each child in foster care costs the state hundreds of dollars each month, many times grandparents receive no financial assistance, Bufford noted.
“I always say if half of us grandparents would turn our children over to the state… the state would be broke really fast,” Bufford said.
There are support services available for grandparents raising their grandchildren. Some qualify for food stamps or Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, while private charitable groups play a role as well. Grandparents as Parents Limited offers clothing assistance and operates support groups in different parts of the state. Locally, Hamilton Center, the Area 7 Agency on Aging and Disabled, the 14th and Chestnut Community Center and Wraparound Vigo County sponsor a support group that meets twice monthly.
Many grandparents also express thanks to their own personal support system.
“We need to glorify more than anything the coaches and teachers that cared,” said Clark, speaking of those who helped her and her husband with their four grandsons.
Each grandparent also said there is a good side to raising their children’s children.
“They keep you seeing things from the innocent side,” Toney said of her three young grandchildren.
“It’s been a joy and a struggle,” said Clark. “We love them dearly.”
Arthur Foulkes can be contacted at (812) 231-4232 or arthur.foulkes@tribstar.com.
Never Empty Nest: Resources
n National Center on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Georgia State University
College of Health & Human Sciences
P.O. Box 3995
Atlanta, Ga. 30302-3995
(404) 651-1049
chhs.gsu.edu/nationalcenter
n AARP Grandparents Information Center
601 E. St. NW
Washington, D.C. 20049
1 (888) OUR-AARP (1-888-687-2277)
www.aarp.org/families/
grandparents/
n Generations United
www.gu.org
n Project Healthy Grandparents
Georgia State University
P.O. Box 3984
Atlanta, Ga. 30302-3984
(404) 651-4524
www2.gsu.edu/~wwwalh/
— CNHI News Service
by the Numbers
4.5 million: U.S. children in grandparent homes.
$725: Estimated average monthly cost to raise a child.
$20,000: Average annual poverty level income in United States.
$4.5 billion: Estimated annual added foster care cost if grandchildren entered system.
57: Average age of grandparent as parent.
20: Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren in poverty.
47: Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren, who are white.
29: Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren, who are African-American.
17: Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren, who are Hispanic.
7: Percentage of grandparents raising children, who are Asian, American Indian or from another ethnic group.
— CNHI News Service
Celebrate
Sept. 10 is national
Grandparents Day.
n The campaign to observe Grandparents Day began with the efforts of West Virginia housewife Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade, a mother of 15 children and grandmother to more than 40.
n West Virginia made Grandparents Day a state holiday in 1973 and Congress passed legislation in 1978 making the first Sunday after Labor Day National Grandparents Day. The first national Grandparents Day proclamation by President Jimmy Carter read in part:
“We all know grandparents whose values transcend passing fads and pressures ... Because [grandparents] are usually free to love and guide and befriend the young without having to take daily responsibility for them, they often reach out past pride and fear of failure and close the space between generations.”
Sources:
www.grandparents-day.com
and www.legacyproject.org.
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