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February 13, 2006

Dating Web sites now attracting mainstream singles

By Karin Grunden

As L. Dean Hendrix pulled off Interstate 70, a swarm of thoughts — most of them bad — went through his head about previous online dating experiences.

“I had met three to four people from different sites and was totally disappointed,” Hendrix said. “I was about ready to give up.”

The women he’d met “weren’t what they described,” he said. One represented herself as “young” and “fun loving.” She was 62. He was 50 and looking for someone nearer his age.

Something, the Center Point man hoped, would be different this time.

Parking his car outside an Indiana 59 truck stop, he joked with his friend, Terry Kane, who was along for the ride. The plan went like this: If the woman he’d been communicating with by e-mail through dreamdate.com was less-than-desirable, he’d introduce Terry as “Dean.” Then they’d quickly come up with an excuse to end the encounter.

Turned out, there was no need to go that route.

From that first face-to-face moment, there was something comfortable about being with Sherri Moran. “We could talk about anything,” Hendrix said of what they discovered that night and in phone conversations that followed.

Within six months, Hendrix and Moran wed in a chapel at Fowler Park, south of Terre Haute. They will celebrate their second anniversary in April.

“I had to marry her. I couldn’t be on the phone every night,” Hendrix joked last week as he sat next to his wife in the truck stop restaurant where they first met.

Like an estimated 40 million single Americans, Hendrix and Moran opted for online dating to search for their perfect match.

Once a phenomenon supposedly reserved for geeks and losers, online dating sites now attract mainstream singles.

“The stigma’s gone,” said Paul A. Falzone, CEO of two traditional dating companies, Together and The Right One. He spoke in general about the public’s view of dating services. “It’s a lot more acceptable.”

The modern day front porch

Two of the top online personals services — Match.com and Yahoo! Personals — had 9.5 million visitors combined in December, according to comScore Networks Inc., a company that tracks consumer behavior. Each of the top 10 sites drew at least a million visitors that month.

“It’s almost like the Internet is the modern day front porch,” said John Whitaker, a North Carolina native, who met his wife through an America Online chatroom.

Hooking up via cyberspace is especially attractive to the 35 to 55 crowd, said Sorin Matei, a Purdue University associate professor who specializes in online communication. Many have either had a long-term relationship or have experienced a failed marriage, he said.

“Online interaction has become part of everyday life. We’re doing it all the time,” Matei said.

Known for being savvy consumers, Baby Boomers — who range in age from 41 to 60, have driven the popularity of online dating, Matei said.

“We never thought dating would come down to cost and benefits, but this is how we think about many things in our life nowadays,” he said.

Hendrix, who is now 52, admitted he tried online dating because it was a cheaper option. Paid memberships come as cheap as $9.99 a month, with others — such as the site eHarmony — charging $49.95 a month.

“Years ago, I used to do the bar scene,” Hendrix said. The drawback was that after spending a wad of cash on drinks, “at the end of the night, you’re still going home alone.”

Hectic schedules also have contributed to the plethora of people searching online personals sites, said Jerry Miller, who launched farmersonly.com last May.

Instead of spending a whole night meeting someone, subscribers can pass a half-hour browsing through profiles and sending e-mails to a few people of interest, he said.

“You can do it at 6 in the morning,” said Miller, whose site is one of many niche options aimed at a particular demographic, ranging from occupation to religion.

Herb Vest, a Dallas businessman who is CEO of dating site true.com, said the sheer number of singles participating online is a draw.

“I like [online dating] because you have a wide selection of people,” he said.

Instead of hit-and-miss connections through friends, personal service sites have millions of potential options, he said.

“It is a very, very efficient way and effective way to find your soul mate,” said Vest, who met his wife through a more traditional route — a blind date set up by friend.

‘Can’t get no satisfaction’

While online dating remains a growth industry, there are some signs of cooling, according to JupiterResearch, a company that provides data, analysis and advice related to Internet business. Although still coming in droves, for the first time, personal dating sites are losing more users than they are attracting, Jupiter’s data shows.

One of the biggest problems is low user satisfaction. Only about a quarter of users are either “very satisfied” or “satisfied” with online personals sites, according to Jupiter Research. Spark Networks and Match.com, considered the leaders in user satisfaction, each had about a one-third approval rating.

“The biggest issue people have today with online dating is dishonesty,” said Falzone, whose traditional dating service has experienced a boon from clients disappointed with online dating. “I could be the Lone Ranger on there and no one would know.”

Lawmakers in seven states, including Illinois, have considered legislation that would force sites to say whether they conduct background checks on potential subscribers. The Illinois bill, which was introduced last month, remains in committee, according to the Illinois General Assembly Web site. None of the bills in other states has passed.

Vest, whose site true.com conducts background checks, has been involved with some of the proposed legislation. He says that safety is a major concern for the industry.

In most cases, Vest believes, people would avoid safety issues if they’d follow guidelines recommended by most sites, he said. The Better Business Bureau recommends using a separate e-mail account for online dating and says not to reveal personal information.

Sherri Hendrix, 44, admitted she probably gave out too much information during her early online dating experiences.

One man she met online stalked her after she ended their relationship, she said. He showed up at her workplace and called her from jail after he was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, she said.

The experience left her skittish, and she took a three-year break from online dating. When she returned to look for love in cyberspace, “I was scared still,” she admitted.

Vest’s company regularly turns away 5 percent of applicants because of a felony record. Another 4 percent of people who are married are prohibited from subscribing to the site.

Some sites offer virtual dating options, allowing clients to view each other by Web cam before meeting in person. Vest recommends that tool to check on someone’s appearance and level of eye contact before deciding whether to meet face-to-face.

Not always ‘happily ever after’

While some couples connect successfully at the click of mouse, not every online relationship ends in wedded bliss.

Some even require a trip to the courthouse and a divorce lawyer.

One Terre Haute man — who asked that his name not be used because of the embarrassment of the situation — advised against online dating.

“Just tell people don’t do it,” he said last week, days after his divorce was finalized.

He met his ex-wife nine years ago in an Internet chat room, recommended by a friend. The woman eventually moved from the West Coast to Terre Haute.

There were early signs of trouble, the man admitted, like the arguments that started on the cross-country move to the Midwest. Things eventually deteriorated after she spent hours talking to other men online, he said.

“It seemed like we communicated better online than when we were face-to-face,” he said.

Liz Coons has similar sentiments about love rooted in cyberspace.

When couples step into the county marriage office where she works, most don’t mention that they met online.

“I just find out later, when they get divorced,” said Coons, Vigo County marriage clerk.

There have been some hints that couples have met in untraditional ways, she said, especially when one partner doesn’t know how to spell the other’s name. Or when the question arises: “Where are we going to live after we’re married?”

While she has no way of keeping statistics about online relationships, she believes far too many end in divorce. Coons started noticing the trend about three or four years ago.

Since then, she’s received calls from spouses ready for divorce who need to verify whether their marriage was legal. It’s usually then that she confirms the relationship started over the Internet.

“I just sit here and shake my head,” Coons said.

Sherri Hendrix realizes not everyone ends up happy and that there are pitfalls to online relationships. But she wouldn’t change a thing about her experience.

“I didn’t know any way of meeting anybody because all I did was work and go home,” she said.

L. Dean Hendrix said it was worth all the disappointments, just to find Sherri.

As they sat earlier this month at the same table where they first met, Sherri leaned over to kiss Dean.

“She’s a keeper,” he said.

Karin Grunden can be reached at (812) 231-4257 or karin.grunden@tribstar.com.

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