One of the first things I turn to when I open The Tribune-Star every morning is the comics. That is, I look for the comics provided they are not in the sports section which my Best Friend claims as his selection of choice.
Then, if I’m not listed in the obituaries, I turn to the classified ads.
The classified seldom disappoint. You find the gamut of emotions there — from a plea of would-be parents wanting to adopt “your baby” to the pathos of “free pets to good homes.” Then there are all sorts of things for sale. The other morning I could choose from a pair of snakeskin cowboy boots (too big) or 15 pounds of “squirrel corn.” I assume that was corn to feed squirrels and not a new species of corn. There was also a high-powered camera dating from the pre-digital era, but I thought that expensive, especially since I always forget to take a camera.
Weekend ads for garage sales piques my interest, but I always pass. I do not need any more “stuff.” It would be a good idea if I held a garage sale of my own to pare down on the excess, but it’s too much work to price and hang around all day hoping for patrons.
I’m in the same boat with auctions. What would I do with more stuff and where would I put it?
Another fun thing to do with classifieds is to try to match up the lost and found items. If there’s a lost dog, I comb the found section to see if anyone is looking for the owner of that specific breed. Sometimes there is a match. I wonder if I should call, but have to assume that the bereaved owner scans the lost pet ads with even more anxiety than I do.
Or it’s even more dramatic than the loss of a pet, even one requiring medication. Recently someone lost a truck — or maybe it was stolen. A reward was offered for information leading to the recovery of the truck, but I couldn’t help.
There was even a brief item about a lost cow! I told my Best Friend that maybe the cow wasn’t really lost — maybe it had just jumped the fence, thumbed a ride to Hollywood and hoped to make it as a contestant on “Dancing with the Steers!”
He was not amused. He sighed and handed me the comics!
Liz Ciancone
Classifieds both interesting, and good for a laugh
- Liz Ciancone
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LIZ CIANCONE: Give pets the gift of a better, longer life
It’s amazing how many of us at the Family Sports Center are involved with pets. But I recently became aware of how involved some of us have become.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Super Bowl festivities mostly for super rich
I hate being in a minority, but I guess I am. I am considerably less than thrilled over having the Super Bowl altogether too close to my back yard.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Catalog this mail as junk
On or about Dec. 1, I picked up the mail to find three Christmas cards along with an unusual spate of catalogs. The cards reminded me that mine were still in the bottom drawer of the desk waiting to be addressed. I appreciated that.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Up close and personal with Da Bears' Mike Ditka
Mark Bennett’s delightful story of how his son acquired Barry Larkin’s autograph reminded me of how Number Two son scored the signature of Mike Ditka.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Small-town kids were naive, but not stupid
I told my Best Friend the other day that I thought I’d write about growing up stupid. “We weren’t stupid,” said he, “we were just sheltered and naive.” He’s right. We had no idea that there were people and things in the world that would want to hurt us.
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LIZ CIANCONE: She’s all for spacing out those holidays
That swooshing sound you heard may not have been the wind. It was me! I was breathing a sigh of relief that the holidays are over until the next time.
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MS. TAKES: Some look forward to spring and garage sales
We are officially into winter and just days after the longest day of the year. We can begin counting the days until spring and can look forward to waking up to a bit of sun.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Let gifts to lawmakers help cut the deficit
In the holiday spirit of giving, I’d like to pass along to Congress a tip I ran across in my reading. If adopted, it would enable the competing parties in Washington, D.C. to enhance federal income without raising taxes or reducing social programs.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Pujols’ gift list overflows — for now, at least
It’s going to be a Merry Christmas for the Albert Pujols family this year!
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LIZ CIANCONE: How much 'twinkle' do we need for holidays?
I had an especially dear friend who went into a blue funk in Christmas season. She once threatened to spell out “Bah, Humbug!” in twinkle lights on her lawn.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Work's not a 'right', it's a necessity
I understand the Indiana Legislature intends to work to produce a “right to work” bill this coming session.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Holidays bring on baking duties
Somehow, in the vast scheme of things, I have ended up point person for holiday baking.
I know how it happened. Mom was a great cook. I’d give almost anything if I had found her recipe for raisin sugar cookies or the chocolate-orange cake. She turned out coffee cakes, sweet rolls, bread, butterfly rolls and sweet surprises. We always had dessert.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Keeping track of a tattered underworld
Mom always told me to be sure I never left the house with torn or dirty underwear. She usually added a warning about being hit by a truck or a bus, or some other catastrophe befalling, so that I’d be carted off to the hospital where my tattered underwear would become a matter of public record and private shame.
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LIZ CIANCONE: So far, this is a poor excuse for debate
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen enough “debates” to last the rest of my natural life.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Sounds of silence are now hard to find
Is there anyplace left where there is no noise — other than the comforting noises of nature?
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LIZ CIANCONE: Grueling trips, but we were together
Family vacations were a given. Dad usually had a 10-day vacation every summer and the only question was where we would go for the best fishing.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Lure of the stage gets in your veins
When I cast my memory back far enough, it seems as if I have always been stage struck.
As a first-grader, I was picked to play a child in the senior class play at Stockton High School. Maybe it was my pigtails? I only knew that I was excused from class early on several afternoons a week so that I could rehearse with the big kids.
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MS. TAKES: They’re gone, but their music is not forgotten
Dad believed that if it wasn’t composed by John Philip Sousa or Victor Herbert, it simply wasn’t music. Imagine his reaction to Woody Herman or — gasp — Stan Kenton!
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LIZ CIANCONE: Uncle Ed’s mule Maud was faithful work mate
I like horses. Really! I do. I like them best seen from the windows of a car as they graze in a lovely spring pasture. I even like them on television as they do a parade lap before the start of a major race. But I draw the line at a second experience on the back of a horse.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Rules would be fine, if they made more sense
I was pleased to read that the Department of Homeland Security plans to ease up on airport checkpoints. Not for the likes of you and me, but there will be no more “pat downs” of small children. Wee ones won’t even have to take off their shoes.
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LIZ CIANCONE: 2 women’s strength of character unforgettable
Remember the old “Readers’ Digest” feature: “The Most Unforgettable Character I Ever Met?”
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LIZ CIANCONE: Memories of 9/11: Hairpin vapor trails
Those of us who have been around awhile remember a lot of stuff. Not only do critical moments in our lives loom large, we also remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when history was being made.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Today’s girls have more opportunity than ever
I confess. I had a bit of a battle with the green-eyed monster the other morning. The newspaper had pictures of high school girls playing soccer with a team from another school, and with obvious joy and pleasure.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Lesson 1: School is not a drag
Not long ago I ran across an old letter I had written to Dad when I was five years old. He had saved it!
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LIZ CIANCONE: Charter schools won’t solve all of education’s problems
A friend asked me the other day what I thought of Tony Bennett.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Coming to grips with typing technology
I was asked the other day if I still used a typewriter.
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LIZ CIANCONE: Missing the wishing inside the catalogs
Only 24-hours after returning from vacation, our mail person delivered a two-week accumulation of mail. Our mailbox overflowed!
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LIZ CIANCONE: Achoo! Summer cold is something to sneeze at!
Of all the miseries visited upon mankind, I think that the summer cold wins the door prize!
My Best Friend and I opened our third box of tissues Sunday, a BIG box, not your handy, pocket-size job. We added tissues to the shopping list assuming that one or the other of us will soon feel like getting out. I know I’m ready to go someplace, ANYplace, as long as it’s out!
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LIZ CIANCONE: Haven’t we seen you somewhere before?
I’ve heard it said that everyone has a doppleganger — a look-alike — and if that’s true, I suppose that somewhere in the world is a person who looks enough like me to be mistaken for me. Maybe it would take a dim light, or a vivid imagination, but for what it’s worth …
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LIZ CIANCONE: Homemade bacon? Why not just go to the store
Mom read cookbooks the way other women read romance novels. No matter how similar the plot, recipes seemed to have enough variation to send her sprinting to the kitchen to assess her cupboards and add to her shopping list if necessary.
- More Liz Ciancone Headlines
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LIZ CIANCONE: Give pets the gift of a better, longer life
Video of M.I.A's Obscene Halftime Gesture
Obama Scraps Birth Control Mandate
US Airmen's Killer Sentenced to Life in Germany
Navy Names Ship for Gabrielle Giffords
5 Killed in Wrong-way Crash on I-10 in La.
Raw Video: Deadly Blasts in Syria
Raw Video: Italy's Mount Etna Bursts Into Life
Uzbek Man Pleads Guilty in Plot to Kill Obama
Romney Slams President Obama at CPAC
Woman Pleads Guilty in 1987 Newborn Kidnap Case
Raw Video: Rough Seas Stop Oil Removal
Gingrich: Pres. Obama 'waging War on Religion'
Test on Comforter in Powell Unit Shows Blood
Winter Slamming North Asia, Parts of Europe
Denver's Largest-Ever Drug Bust Nets Dozens
Androgynous Model Walks Runway As Man and Woman
Marines: No Punishment for Nazi-like Flag
Raw Video: School Bus Burst Into Flames
Syrian Forces Renew Bombardment of Homs
Skaters Still Hold Hope for Dutch Marathon
First glimpse of Blue Ivy Carter
Absolute Lin-sanity
Angry Dad Shoots Teens Laptop
Hero Driver Saves Kids From Burning Bus
Funeral to be held for Powell boys
Kobe was 'rooting for Patriots' in Super Bowl
Sandusky on having to stay inside and people turning on him
Wookie Sensation
Woolly Mammoth Caught on Camera?
Sandusky makes a statement
Did JLo 'Assault' Marc Anthony on Camera?
Christie Brinkley's Runway Slip
Toddler forced to run half-naked in snow
Halle Wants to Leave the Country
Northern Lights shine above earth
Plane makes perfect belly landing
Kris Jenner New Face of Arousal Oils
