TERRE HAUTE — There they were stacked in a dusty enclave in my garage. Staring at me … perhaps even taunting me.
It was a set of golf clubs that had not been used in at least 10 years. I had taken them off my dad’s hands for reasons unbeknownst to anyone in my family considering I was approaching my second decade of having turned my back on the sport.
Yet something inside me clicked that day. My personal Cold War with the game of golf was about to thaw. I wanted to hit some balls again … with hilarity sure to ensue.
My relationship with golf has always been uncomfortable. Unlike others, I was never indoctrinated into the game, my family was not a golf family when I was a kid.
My “heyday” of golf activity was my late teens and college years when I’d play with my buddies or with my dad and uncles. My skill level was miles below average, and to make matters worse, I’d physically suffer on the course during my pre-Claritin allergy days.
Worse, my course demeanor was just south of psychotic.
I made Happy Gilmore’s rants look like a Barney skit. I couldn’t hit a good drive to save my life, but if I hooked one into the trees or failed to hit it past the ladies’ tees, I was the Nick Faldo of angrily smashing beer cans.
I decided to give the game up for my own health, both allergy- and anger-management related. I haven’t played a round since the early 1990s.
Despite my long sabbatical, I have to admit as I (literally) dusted off my ancient clubs, that I was excited. I never had anything against the game of golf, just the way I played it. Maybe maturity and a near two-decade absence from the game would do me a world of good? I even told my kids that if all went well, maybe we’d walk a real course the following day.
Never have I spewed anything more insanely optimistic in my entire life.
I went to Fore Seasons Golf Complex with my kids and my ancient bag (no driver, only one wedge, etc.) in tow. I found a choice spot to re-introduce myself to the game, and by choice, I mean a spot far from anyone else to avoid braining someone with an errant shot.
I peered into my bag. Why start with a mere, work-a-day iron? Let’s start with a bang, with the longest club in the bag … my 3-wood. And when I say wood, it is wood. There’s not a hint of carbon fiber or graphite in it. Such space-age concepts seemed as far off as flying cars when my circa-1985 clubs were made.
I mosey up to the tee. I made my best guess on my stance and distance from the ball appropriate to the club. I remembered to keep my head down and don’t over-swing.
Here goes … and it’s a swing-and-a-miss. I had instantly forgot everything I told myself as I looked up mid-swing to admire my effort to “Tiger Woods it” all the way to Sullivan County.
I take a deep breath and tell myself it was OK. It was bound to happen as I shook the rust off. I step up again.
Contact! The ball sailed off the tee and looked majestic as it soared maybe 100 yards into the western horizon.
Unfortunately, Fore Seasons’ range faces south. It was quickly evident that everyone in the immediate vicinity, and perhaps as far away as Honey Creek Mall, was in grave danger so long as I had a club in my hands. When I hit, I should just skip “fore!” and go straight to “incoming!”
It quickly dawned on me how much my knowledge of the nuts-and-bolts of golf had deteriorated. It’s clear I need a golf lesson … or 900 of them. You could pool together the golf professionals from Vigo County and I’m confident I would drive each of them to madness with the monolithic task of teaching me the basics of the game.
For example, I had no idea how the properly grip the club. I still don’t know how … besides the putter, my putting grip honed at Putt-Putt’s from coast-to-coast. I was rocking some sort of reverse baseball bat grasp with my 3-wood.
Yet I kept spraying away. Did I hit the net on both sides of the range? Many, many times. Did I hit the roof above me? Check. Did I drill the windshield of the ball-scooping machine? Yes, and it was awesome, but it would have been cooler had he been in front of me, not at a 35-degree angle.
I have to compliment the architect of the range at Fore Seasons. Your design ensured a miraculous zero fatalities during my 60-ball barrage, though I’m pretty sure the ball-scooping machine driver had his life flash before his eyes.
I was emasculated, but undaunted. By all rights, I should never touch a golf club again and may God have mercy on my soul, but I have a Don Quixote-like determination to get this straightened out.
So after a cursory read of basic golf skills on the Internet — you know, the way the pros hone their game — I went back a few days later. I was much more relaxed and had much better concentration. I was still beyond God awful and I have no business polluting any area course with my presence yet, but I felt better and hit the ball straighter.
On one shot, it all came together. With my 3-wood, I somehow put all of the elements of a good swing together and crushed it. The ball sailed 200 yards, straight and true.
That kind of shot made me realize why duffers like me keep coming back to this frustrating, but breathtaking, game.
Todd Golden is sports editor of the Tribune-Star. He can be reached at (812) 231-4272 or todd.golden@tribstar.com.
From the Press Box
From The Press Box: Golden vs. golf … golf is winning
- From the Press Box
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TODD GOLDEN: Don't give up on ISU baseball just yet
If you had to pick one word that would describe the 2013 Indiana State baseball season, it would have to be frustration.
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FROM THE PRESSBOX: Content McKenna has enjoyed seeing ISU's progress
It all happened so fast in June 2010.
One minute, Kevin McKenna was head coach of the Indiana State men’s basketball program. Then — poof! — he was gone.
McKenna resigned from his head coaching position at ISU on June 13, 2010 to take an assistant coach position on Dana Altman’s then-burgeoning University of Oregon staff. -
MVC can't wait on Crieghton to move forward
Will they go or not? That’s been the question that the Missouri Valley Conference and Creighton have been faced with since rumors of the Bluejays’ potential exit went public in December.
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FROM THE PRESSBOX: Can Sycamores reverse fortunes heading into MVC Tournament?
Mastery of a basketball season comes in many forms. Mostly, it comes in forms that involve avoidance of turnovers, anemic scoring and poor defense.
The mechanics of X-and-O success in basketball are obvious, but what’s often overlooked in building a successful campaign is managing the rhythm of the season, which is the hardest thing of all. -
FROM THE PRESS BOX: Accountability isn't Lansing's alone in ISU's recent struggles
Taking ownership has always been one of Indiana State men’s basketball coach Greg Lansing’s strengths.
When ISU has lost games in his three seasons at the helm that it was expected to win, Lansing has always been willing to fall on the sword and take blame for it. -
TODD GOLDEN: Indiana State has far more occasions to rise to
Rejoice, Indiana State basketball fans. The Sycamores’ 68-55 victory at No. 15 Wichita State on Tuesday is worthy of celebration.
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TODD GOLDEN: Big plays in last 10 minutes story of the season for Indiana State
You’d think I’d have learned by now.
It’s 20 games into Indiana State’s men’s basketball season and I still expect the Sycamores’ offense operate like a well-oiled machine from the opening tip. -
Sycamores blossom on Hawaii trip
Quick quiz … what’s the state flower of Hawaii?
Don’t worry. I can’t just rattle state flowers off the top of my head. I had to look it up too, even though I’ve seen them all over the place in Honolulu.
I didn’t even know that Indiana’s state flower is the peony, which replaced the apparently unloved zinnia in the 1950s.
Hawaii’s flower, and they’re ubiquitous in Waikiki tourist shops and in actual flora on Oahu, is the yellow hibiscus.
The yellow hibiscus is big, bold and bright. I’ve never seen one blossom, but I imagine it has to be a beautiful sight.
What I have seen blossom — and it’s the only reason flowers would be brought up in my column — is the Indiana State basketball team at the Hawaiian Airlines Diamond Head Classic. -
TODD GOLDEN: ISU needs to have its realignment head on a swivel
Have you ever driven past a cow pasture during a severe thunderstorm? If it’s really bad, the cows will congregate in a herd to protect themselves from the tumult.
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TODD GOLDEN: ISU AD Prettyman keeps it close to the vest
Do you want to know who’s on the short list to become Indiana State's next football coach?
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TODD GOLDEN: Trent Miles leaves Sycamores with giant legacy
To glean perspective on Trent Miles’ time as Indiana State’s football coach, I went back into the Tribune-Star’s archives to remind myself of what the football program was like when Miles arrived to rebuild it.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Scoreboard watching and the threat matrix for ISU
Indiana State football coach Trent Miles reaffirmed his belief Tuesday that a victory over Youngstown State on Saturday will propel the Sycamores into the Football Championship Subdivision playoffs for the first time since 1984.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Twists and turns, but Luck passes eye test
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck made his much anticipated Lucas Oil Stadium debut Sunday against the Minnesota Vikings.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Looking back and forward at ISU athletics
It started in State College, Pa., and ended in Eugene, Ore. Few Indiana State athletic seasons have spanned the nation in as many sports as 2011-12 did for the Sycamores’ athletic teams. And from coast-to-coast there was glory and heartbreak alike.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: ISU progresses under Prettyman
He didn’t say a word, but it was as clear as Indiana State Director of Athletics Ron Prettyman sat in the PK Park dugout and watched the Sycamores take batting practice prior to their NCAA Regional at Oregon last Thursday, he beamed with pride.
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TODD GOLDEN: MVC pitching helped prepare Sycamores for regional
Nick Petree, Pierce Johnson, Ty Blach.
These aren’t just elite-level starting pitchers Indiana State’s baseball team faced this season. They comprise three of the last five pitchers the Sycamores faced period. -
FROM THE PRESS BOX: ISU baseball has pluses, minuses for tourney bid
Last Thursday, when Indiana State’s baseball jumped around in a celebratory dogpile after clinching the Missouri Valley Conference regular season championship at Bob Warn Field, no one thought that a little over a week later, the dreaded NCAA Tournament bubble would fly over Terre Haute. -
FROM THE PRESS BOX: Subtle switch has fostered MVC baseball parity
When Indiana State was crowned as the regular season baseball champion of the Missouri Valley Conference last Thursday, it marked the fifth different regular season champion the league has had since 2005.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: ISU has done enough to be in NCAAs
When you get older, you’re supposed to get wiser. I don’t know if I qualify, but I’m trying.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: TH’s Murans back in the Derby … this time with favorite
When Terre Haute native Paul Murans experienced his first Triple Crown horse racing run as part-owner of Mucho Macho Man in 2011, the experience was — to borrow a phrase from one-time Marquette coach Al McGuire — seashells and balloons.
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TODD GOLDEN: IHSAA debate interrupts more pressing issues
State Senator Mike Delph has sowed a 15-year-old wind and put the emotional class basketball debate back on the public’s mind.
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TODD GOLDEN: ISU eyes prize one game at a time
Most baseball fans know that the baseball season — even a college baseball season — is a marathon, not a sprint.
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TODD GOLDEN: Grass is green enough for Indiana State in Missouri Valley
Take a look around the Missouri Valley Conference landscape and it would be easy to assume that a significant portion of the league membership is searching for perceived greener pastures.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Sycamores are Odum’s team now
Soooo … who wants to talk about the 2012 Indiana State men’s basketball season?
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: ISU will face uphill climb in MVC in 2013
The Missouri Valley Conference Tournament semifinals are always scintillating. No more so than Saturday when Illinois State upset 15th-ranked Wichita State 65-64 and when No. 25 Creighton took care of business with a 99-71 victory over Evansville.
Arch Madness indeed. -
FROM THE PRESS BOX: Effort, heart, concentration are fleeting for ISU
Every time Indiana State’s men’s basketball wins a game, you think to yourself, OK, now is when these Sycamores live up to their potential.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Peyton’s place belongs to Eli
The good people of Indianapolis justifiably puffed out their chests throughout Super Bowl week as the city received deserved rave reviews for the job it did as hosts of Super Bowl XLVI.
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TODD GOLDEN: Teammates, colleagues express their loyalty to Weatherford
Sometimes you worry whether someone is stopping to smell the roses when they smell rosiest.
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FROM THE PRESS BOX: Does melted ice reveal Belichick's heart of gold?
If you’re into Youtube — and who isn’t these days? — there’s a vintage television profile of then-Cleveland Browns coach Bill Belichick posted on the popular site.
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TODD GOLDEN: Indiana State men caught between expectation, reality
The Missouri Valley Conference is hush-hush on how it puts together its matchups for the annual conference schedule.
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