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November 7, 2007

Don’t let others profit from your memory failures

By Doug Herman The Tribune Star Wed Nov 07, 2007, 09:29 PM EST

TERRE HAUTE — We all are forgetful on occasion. Some of us are more forgetful than others. If our forgetting inconveniences someone else, we hope that they will not be angry and will forgive our lapse. However, in addition to the possible anger or forgiving, there is another way someone might respond to our memory failure. Some people may choose to profit from our lapse. This column will examine how we can keep others from doing so successfully.

A common way others may take advantage of us when we forget involves borrowing and lending. We will examine three ways others can profit if we forget to return what we borrowed or forget to get others return what we lent them. First, we will consider the advice to never borrow or lend, and how doing so protects us from others exploiting us when our memory fails. Second, we will consider how to protect us when circumstances compel us to borrow something from someone. Third, we will consider how to protect us when circumstances compel us to lend something to someone.

Never a Borrower or Lender Be

In about 1841, Ralph Waldo Emerson recommended that we never borrow money or things from other people. He also recommended that we never lend things to others. He made these recommendations for a couple reasons. He advised not borrowing so that we would not take on too much debt. He advised not lending so that we would not lose what we own to others.

However, in my opinion, Emerson was also thinking of the weakness of human memory and how we may forget our borrowing and lending. If we borrow some thing or some money and we forget to return it, we may be embarrassed when we are reminded that we have not returned what we borrowed. Failure to pay one’s debts is considered irresponsible and can even lead to legal problems. Alternatively, if we lend some money or some thing and forget having made this loan, we may never get back what we loaned. This may happen ifs the person has a bad memory too and forgets as well to return what we loaned them.

Unavoidable Borrowing

Despite trying to not borrow from others, we sometimes are in a situation where we need some thing or some money and we have to borrow it. For example, we might feel we have an immediate need for some cash or we will suffer negative consequences. In such a difficult situation, we may feel that we have to ask for a loan. For example, suppose we need a quarter to put in the parking meter in order to park our car and to go to an important meeting that is starting in five minutes. We discover that we don’t have a quarter but someone with us does and offers it to us. If we don’t accept this loan, we will have to find another parking spot farther away and be late for the meeting. Who among us would not take the quarter and feed the meter. However, accepting this loan requires us to remember to repay this loan in a timely manner.

Some people, if dishonest, may see an opportunity to take advantage of someone who has borrowed something. Someone who is dishonest and who knows our memory is poor may later tell us that we actually owed them a dollar and a quarter. If this person is a good liar, they might say that we also borrowed a dollar that day for lunch. If enough time has passed, we might be unsure of just how much we borrowed on an occasion because it occurred quite a while ago. Who among us would be certain of the exact amount of money we borrowed on some occasions in the distant past. If we believe what this (dishonest) person tells us, we will pay them the extra dollar and they will have profited from our poor memory.

Unavoidable Lending

Sometimes we know that someone else is in a jam. For example, we know a person who has an important meeting and this person desperately needs a quarter to put in a parking meter. If we have a quarter, who among us would not offer it as a loan so that this person could park and make his or her meeting? Of course, having made this loan entitles us to later to ask this person, often repeatedly, to give the quarter back to us.

Unfortunately, if the person to whom we loaned money is dishonest, and we forget having made this loan, then this person may deliberately “forget.” In the case of the parking meter example, the person is a little richer (albeit, only 25 cents).

Deliberate forgetting of debts and loans is a kind of stealing. People who do this are con artists where the con involves memory. Professionals in this form of theft know a lot about the psychology of memory for debts and loans. For example, they know that loans for change are forgotten more easily than loans for a number of dollars. Similarly, they also know that small loans are forgotten more easily than large loans. This principle can be extended to objects. Loans of inexpensive objects (a hammer, a pad of paper) are forgotten more often than expensive objects (for example, a vacuum cleaner, a tape recorder or ipod).

Unfortunately, it is doubtful that memory con artists will ever be arrested and sent to jail. They have a perfect defense: they will invariably say that they, like others, forgot the debt or loan. So when borrowing and lending is unavoidable, take care to remember the debt or loan. Notes are the best way to keep from being the victim or a memory con artist. So, to keep track of your debts and loans, write them down as soon as possible and keep these notes someplace safe.

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