TERRE HAUTE — Here is a topic that we haven’t covered for quite a while. It hasn’t been covered because there were so many other things to discuss. Nevertheless, it probably will be beneficial for most of us to review the key ideas about how to learn names.
The topic of learning names is a memory problem that most adults say annoys them the most, myself included. There are three things to know about when considering how to improve memory for learning names. These three things, which will be covered in this column, are: (1) we find it hard to learn names because we are raised to not want to learn the names of people; (2) we truly can engage in some mental activities to register names in our brain if we want; and (3) we can use external aids if we truly do not want to mentally make the effort necessary to learn the names of people.
Upbringing and Names
Nearly everyone says they are bad at learning names; they say they just don’t have the ability to do so. But why should we have so much difficulty learning names? One possible reason is that we have not been raised to try to be good at learning names.
Our upbringing makes us less than enthusiastic about learning names. First, we are told — rightly — that we should stay away from strangers. By definition, people to whom we are introduced are strangers. So, we have one reason not to learn names — to stay away from strangers. Because of that rule, we learned to avoid strangers and we got little practice at learning names until we were older.
Second, there is a more fundamental reason why we are reluctant to learn names. We are taught that we should choose our friends wisely. As a result, we tend not want to learn the names of people until they have proven themselves to us.
So there you are. You have two good reasons for not being eager to learn a person’s name. In fact, if you want, when you are introduced to someone, try the following: Tell them that you do not like to learn the names of strangers and that people will have to prove themselves to be worthwhile before you will make an effort to learn a person’s name. If they appear to be offended by you saying this, tell them that this is not personal, that you are cautious about learning the names of anyone. Let me know how this approach works out.
Key Name-Learning Activities
Let’s get real about this issue. Here is the most important thing of all to do regarding the learning of names. Decide ahead of time or on the spot that you want to learn the name or names of the people you meet on a particular occasion. If you do not want to learn a person’s name, you usually will not. If you do want to learn a person’s name, you will pay attention to when you first hear that name and you have at least half a chance that the name will register with you.
Sometimes a person’s name is easy to learn. Some names are easy. “I want you to meet (Mr. Dracula), (Mrs. Bush) or some other well-known name. But more often than not, the person’s name is not exciting. Deciding you want to learn a person’s name is not sufficient to do so. To learn a name, say it as soon as you first hear it when a person is introduced to you. We obviously cannot learn a name if we cannot say it after being introduced.
If we can say a person’s name, we next need to use that name as much as possible while we are with this person. As soon as we are away from the people introduced to us, we should mention their names to someone else, such as a friend or our significant other. If you discover that you no longer know the person’s name, ask someone who you believe will know the name. This “saying, saying, saying” method is often enough to learn names.
Sometimes you sense that a name will be difficult to remember. To learn that name, you will need to do more than use the saying, saying, saying method. If you really want to learn a name, use face-name imagery. Make the difficult name into an image of an object or another person with the same name and then sit that image on the person’s forehead. This method seems bizarre to most people but it does work. (You don’t have to tell anyone that you are using this method to learn names.) If you cannot abide by this bizarre technique, try to think of whom this person reminds you (such as someone famous) and then imagine the person just met hugging the famous person. However an image is created, the image will make a name more memorable.
External Aids
For many reasons, it is a good thing to carry a small notepad or planner in your pocket or purse. After an introduction, when you have a free moment, write down the name or names of all the people you have met. If you write it down, a name will stick in your mind to use at a later time. If you can’t remember it to write it down, ask someone who might know the name of the person you just met. Also see if you find out something about this person. If you do some of these things, you may very well register the names of those you are introduced to, although they are strangers.
A Sharper Mind
April 18, 2007
A Sharper Mind: Forgetting names is most annoying but we aren’t raised to remember
- A Sharper Mind
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